Dear Ali Khameini, Here's How To Get Nukes

Found next to a couple of empty cappuccino cups in the Delegates' Lounge, United Nations Headquarters, New York.

Memorandum

To: Ayatollah Ali Khameini, Supreme Leader, Iran

Cc: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, President

From: The Nuclear Options & Ordnance Consulting Service

(NOOCS, LLC; Branch Offices in Pyongyang, Islamabad, Beijing, Tripoli, Damascus, Moscow and Vienna)

Your Excellency,

With President Obama reaching out to you, we'd like to take this opportunity to reach out as well. With Iran's nuclear program fast approaching critical mass, we write to offer our services as the world's premier consulting agency for the thoroughly modern tyrant. Our clients are leading autocrats who understand that in today's world, the big bomb is no longer just a longed-for luxury, but a totalitarian must-have. Whether your aim is nuclear extortion or actual detonation, diplomacy or doomsday, the bomb is on the verge of becoming a staple item in the authoritarian arsenal.