It has been three decades since political ties between Iran and the US were severed and during this time we have seen both co-operation and confrontation. The present situation, however, cannot secure the two sides’ interests and their national security.

The strategy of neo-conservatives against Iran and the region destroyed the trust-building process. Now there is a good opportunity for President Barack Obama to change the US’s Iran policy by adopting a non-irritating language for talks.

It is clear that there is a willingness to co-operate on both sides. Security in Iraq and support for its government, suppression of radical and terrorist trends in Afghanistan, as well as of training centres of terrorism in the region (in particular in Pakistan and some Arab countries) and the fight against production and distribution of drugs can form the elements for that.

In Iran, however, there is no willingness to co-operate with the US without being paid back. That is because of Iran’s past experience, when it co-operated with the US in Iraq and Afghanistan but received nothing but pressure in return. Today, the two sides need a grand bargain.

If the US can embark on a new Iran policy free of the pressures of the Arab and Israeli lobbies, there will be a chance to put all issues on the table and resolve them through logical negotiations. Apart from the areas of potential co-operation listed above, and others such as regional energy security, there is also the necessity for a multilateral security mechanism that would include all the countries with special importance in the region.

Those US officials advocating hostile policies towards the Islamic Republic are now admitting defeat. The US can adopt a new approach to Iran’s nuclear programme by first and foremost respecting Iran’s rights under the non-proliferation treaty – access to peaceful nuclear technology is a non-negotiable issue for the Iranian people and governments – and by taking a positive and direct role in the negotiations with Iran.

The efforts by the “EU3” – the UK, France and Germany – to resolve the disputes with Iran have been constantly hindered by the US and that has left the Europeans empty-handed.

Mr Obama’s team needs to initiate a comprehensive dialogue with Iran. The US should look at Iran as a partner on equal terms, which will not be achieved by using failed strategies of “containment”, “sanctions” and “regime change” but rather by opening new horizons for both countries – not only with respect to the nuclear case but also through safeguarding shared interests in the Middle East and on the international stage.

The US can help prevent the loss of its forces in the region if it understands the realities and political players of the Middle East better. It should not base its interests on traditional lobbies and pressures. And it cannot cannot achieve a stable position by confronting Iran.

Mr Obama’s positions and his overt and covert messages have not been convincing to the Iranian side. What Joe Biden, the US vice-president, said recently in Munich had a negative impact in Iran; advocating the same “carrot and stick” policy has disappointed Iran. US efforts to convince other nations to go along with its policies against Iran on one hand while pursuing the track of negotiations on the other means a continuation of the attitudes of George W. Bush, but with new words.

Iranians need to see a practical step to indicate the Americans’ goodwill. This could help to reach a breakthrough. Iranians would welcome US non-interference in Iran’s domestic affairs, and will and would aim to resolve differences peacefully on an equal footing. The Americans also should be very careful with their choice of a special representative on Iran. They need to enter into negotiations, not simply a dialogue.

A more flexible approach with new realistic policies can attract the attention of Iran’s leadership, especially Ali Khamenei, the supreme leader. A change of tone is not enough for Iran. What Iran wants is a new US policy to help convince public opinion after 30 years without ties with America.

Iran believes it is the big power in the region and enjoys a geopolitical and geostrategic position. It has paid a heavy price to become a power and to remain in that position. Understanding these points can help.

The writer was Iran’s ambassador to Paris from 2003 to 2005